children, mindfulness, motherhood, Uncategorized

Why They Should See You Cry

I’m pregnant and have a two-year-old daughter which means I’m low on energy, high on hormones, and pretty much on the verge of emotional breakdown any given second after I open my eyes each morning. I’ve always tried to keep emotional composure in front of my daughter, even when she was a newborn. I come […]

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mindfulness, road trip, travel

A Separate Self

My driver’s license expired a few years ago and it took another year to get reinstated. By the time I got behind the wheel this summer, I hadn’t driven a car since 2014. The experience felt a bit like time travel, throwing me back into all of the days I romanced the road. When I […]

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feminism, parenting

Skin Deep

I remember the first time I began to notice my own appearances. I noticed that my skin was tan, and that my hair was brown, and that I was darker than my toehead siblings. And somehow, I knew that pretty girls were blonde and had blue eyes and worried that I was too dark to […]

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art, berlin, music

Space on a Train

Berlin is a city of artists, both aspiring and actual, so it makes sense that I am confronted with street musicians daily. Depending on my mood and irritability, I can have a range of reactions, from a visceral irritation to a kind of reverent gratitude. If the music isn’t great or I’m in a bad […]

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child illness, motherhood, parenting

The Things We Cannot Handle

Alone in the bathtub, my hands burned when they hit the water, raw from scrubbing with alcohol from containers suspended along the hospital walls. I had pressed the thin metal bar, over and over, obsessive and Pavlovian, every time I entered or exited the room. I needed some security, some protection, some kind of relief […]

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expat, recovery, travel

Cliffhanger

Last month my friend Jess announced, “I’m going to a festival in Barcelona and I’ll be doing MDMA for five days straight.” I pictured her covered in henna tattoos, lit on Molly, dancing on a moon-kissed beach. The romancing of her life and drug use was jarring—in part, because I’m sober and also because, it’s […]

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mindfulness, motherhood, recovery, self-help

Can You Love Her Too?

A few months ago, a string of events and circumstances left me broken, in one of the lowest points I can remember. When telling stories about ourselves, our minds will locate us in time and space. As we search for meaning, we identify that day when everything turned around, or the moment it all began […]

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